Friday, April 30, 2004
"The Gift"
You are so much stronger than I can ever be
For doing everything you've done for me
You stuck by through all of it
You didn't leave and you didn't quit
For this I thank you dearest friend
I know 'thank you' sounds small in the end
I know you have been afraid
I'm sorry for all of the trouble I have made
I'll never forget your kindness
Your forgiveness
For never letting go
I wouldn't expect anything less from you though
You are an angel here on Earth
A gift for which I feel I am not worth
You are so much stronger than I can ever be
For doing everything you've done for me
You stuck by through all of it
You didn't leave and you didn't quit
For this I thank you dearest friend
I know 'thank you' sounds small in the end
I know you have been afraid
I'm sorry for all of the trouble I have made
I'll never forget your kindness
Your forgiveness
For never letting go
I wouldn't expect anything less from you though
You are an angel here on Earth
A gift for which I feel I am not worth
"Never Me Again"
1 more week of normalcy
Then my parents will see the real me
The one with scars on her arm
The one who cuts and self-harms
Told a friend I trusted through and through
Now I'm forced to tell them too
Why does it have to be this way
I was finally getting better, finally feeling ok
I'll never be me again in their eyes
I'll just be someone who makes them cry
Someone who is sick and can never be alone
I wish that my secret had remained unknown
1 more week of normalcy
Then my parents will see the real me
The one with scars on her arm
The one who cuts and self-harms
Told a friend I trusted through and through
Now I'm forced to tell them too
Why does it have to be this way
I was finally getting better, finally feeling ok
I'll never be me again in their eyes
I'll just be someone who makes them cry
Someone who is sick and can never be alone
I wish that my secret had remained unknown
Monday, April 26, 2004
"I Know Where"
There's a building I know
A place where pretty trees grow
High above the world, I look down
There are no gates or fences to block my view
Everything seems quiet, there is no sound
There is peace there
Where I feel the breeze, the cool air
I wonder what it would be like to fly from there
How quick that would be
I would be gone, a distant memory
I would leave this world to never return
There's a building I know
A place where pretty trees grow
High above the world, I look down
There are no gates or fences to block my view
Everything seems quiet, there is no sound
There is peace there
Where I feel the breeze, the cool air
I wonder what it would be like to fly from there
How quick that would be
I would be gone, a distant memory
I would leave this world to never return
Friday, April 23, 2004
"Still Want to See the Blood"
2 days down
So many more ahead
Although I am not triggered anymore
I still want to see the blood pour
Watch it fall to the harsh white floor
Until it is not white life I've done before
Flowing faster with each deep slice
Pain shouldn't feel nice
These thoughts consume me
When will I be set free
2 days down
So many more ahead
Although I am not triggered anymore
I still want to see the blood pour
Watch it fall to the harsh white floor
Until it is not white life I've done before
Flowing faster with each deep slice
Pain shouldn't feel nice
These thoughts consume me
When will I be set free
Saturday, April 17, 2004
"Until the Tears Stop"
Cut cut
Slash slash
Blood spilling
As the tears stream down my face
They've become so commonplace
My hand is shaking but I go on
This is what I rely upon
Now I'm going deeper than ever before
Just watch as the blood pours
From the colorful wound
Excruciatingly beautiful
A bright red scream
My painful regime
Cut cut
Slash slash
Blood spilling
As the tears stream down my face
They've become so commonplace
My hand is shaking but I go on
This is what I rely upon
Now I'm going deeper than ever before
Just watch as the blood pours
From the colorful wound
Excruciatingly beautiful
A bright red scream
My painful regime
Thursday, April 15, 2004
"Don't Care"
I just don't care anymore
As I sit here on my bathroom floor
It's 5:00 in the morning, I should be in bed
Why can't I turn off the thoughts in my head
There's nothing left for me
Except for the one thing that sets me free
All I want is to end it
This life in the dark
Moments of light have tried to break through
But everytime they fade I'm left here with you
My only comfort, my cure
The one thing in that I am sure
There's really no reason for me to stay
Maybe I should just go away
Fly to a place where someone understands
Go back Home to His loving hands
I just don't care anymore
As I sit here on my bathroom floor
It's 5:00 in the morning, I should be in bed
Why can't I turn off the thoughts in my head
There's nothing left for me
Except for the one thing that sets me free
All I want is to end it
This life in the dark
Moments of light have tried to break through
But everytime they fade I'm left here with you
My only comfort, my cure
The one thing in that I am sure
There's really no reason for me to stay
Maybe I should just go away
Fly to a place where someone understands
Go back Home to His loving hands
Sunday, April 11, 2004
"End"
I have no one left
I've caused too much destruction
Too many lies
I shouldn't have told this secret
My way of release
My crimson tears
Hurting myself
By telling I hurt you too
So many thoughts running around in my head
I can't explain
It's just too hard
You hear it in my silence
You know what is wrong
It's over now
You don't have to worry about me
I'm done
If I cut you won't know it
No one will
New cuts may come but they will be hidden
There may be scars
But no need to ask about them
You don't have to deal with it anymore
This is my problem
No one should else should suffer because of it
That ends today
I have no one left
I've caused too much destruction
Too many lies
I shouldn't have told this secret
My way of release
My crimson tears
Hurting myself
By telling I hurt you too
So many thoughts running around in my head
I can't explain
It's just too hard
You hear it in my silence
You know what is wrong
It's over now
You don't have to worry about me
I'm done
If I cut you won't know it
No one will
New cuts may come but they will be hidden
There may be scars
But no need to ask about them
You don't have to deal with it anymore
This is my problem
No one should else should suffer because of it
That ends today
"In the Dark of Night"
I seem to want it more when darkness falls
In the stillness, the quiet, it calls
The cold steel, the blade
I look at the last mark I made
Remember the blood
I look at the scar
This problem has gone too far
No one can help
Nothing can be done
Maybe if I was gone life would be better for everyone
I seem to want it more when darkness falls
In the stillness, the quiet, it calls
The cold steel, the blade
I look at the last mark I made
Remember the blood
I look at the scar
This problem has gone too far
No one can help
Nothing can be done
Maybe if I was gone life would be better for everyone
Monday, April 05, 2004
"Loathe"
What the hell is wrong with me
Why can't I just end this triggery
And stay strong
See that this harm is wrong
Looking in the mirror
I hate the relfection staring back
How many times must I hurt those I love
The ones who I am undeserving of
Hard to believe but I do want this to end
More than anyone can comprehend
I might relapse, I may fall back
That's when I need you to help me get back on track
These are the selfish needs of a selfish girl
Trying to fix her life
Break this addiction
End this affliction
Without doing anymore damage to those around her
What the hell is wrong with me
Why can't I just end this triggery
And stay strong
See that this harm is wrong
Looking in the mirror
I hate the relfection staring back
How many times must I hurt those I love
The ones who I am undeserving of
Hard to believe but I do want this to end
More than anyone can comprehend
I might relapse, I may fall back
That's when I need you to help me get back on track
These are the selfish needs of a selfish girl
Trying to fix her life
Break this addiction
End this affliction
Without doing anymore damage to those around her
Sunday, April 04, 2004
"Cry for Help"
This is my cry, my plea
Does anyone hear me
No
Because you don't know
About the blade I didn't show
It's my hand
But I will make a stand
I will be stronger than this piece of metal
I will learn better ways to cope
My dear friend, you give me hope
" I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
~ Psalm 32:8"
This is my cry, my plea
Does anyone hear me
No
Because you don't know
About the blade I didn't show
It's my hand
But I will make a stand
I will be stronger than this piece of metal
I will learn better ways to cope
My dear friend, you give me hope
" I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
~ Psalm 32:8"
Thursday, April 01, 2004
"Lonely Triggers"
I want to start again
Only, without my "tool" I cannot begin
I'm anxious
Nervous
I want to see the blood
See it flow from me
Let it trickle down
I need it
I crave it
I'm alone
I shouldn't be alone
It's not safe
When loneliness consumes so easily
Triggers me
It comes unexpectedly suddenly
Crimson, scarlet, red
All the colors in my head
Fill me with a sense of dread
I must focus on something else instead
I want to start again
Only, without my "tool" I cannot begin
I'm anxious
Nervous
I want to see the blood
See it flow from me
Let it trickle down
I need it
I crave it
I'm alone
I shouldn't be alone
It's not safe
When loneliness consumes so easily
Triggers me
It comes unexpectedly suddenly
Crimson, scarlet, red
All the colors in my head
Fill me with a sense of dread
I must focus on something else instead
